Time and Life, and Death
I feel curious. Curious about time. Curious about how much I know, how much any of us really know. It’s something on a scientific level, I would like to understand more regarding. But also, what does time mean to me? What does life mean to me? What does death mean to me?
Time: What does time mean to me? Hm. This is hard because it feels so abstract yet so interactive. I think it means ability. Why and what lens is that through? The feeling of ability is through the lens of memories, regret, opportunity, action. As well as a very humanistic lens. Things to make, miss, take, do. Can it be anything else? A collection of moments, layers, dimensions that are beautiful and yet imprisoning.
Life: What does life mean to me? A collection of simultaneous freedoms and constraints. The moments of joy, and sadness, and anger, and love, and so much more.
Death: What does death mean to me? The end of the beginning. I don’t necessarily think deeply upon if there is a resurrection of sorts, but I do think it is a place of indescribable solitude and fulfillment. A place where your answers about death are immediately answered, yet stop there. A place without exploration, but a place of being. Where you cannot see how you appear, yet see how you are. Where you are not in positions of doubt or fear because you no longer operate with mechanisms of fear. You don’t think, and you exist in nothingness. And such nothingness cannot be utilized in thought as boring or empty or monotonous or limiting - there is no thought. A place of fulfillment, where you are empty and everything around you is empty. A place like the moment you cannot react to something happening so quickly before your eyes and senses, in which no emotion or reaction takes place. You are just there. A mind and soul within a body. The physicality in the place of death, I’m not sure, but it will not matter.
To say if I fear death? I’m not sure. I think what I fear is the pain of the moment where life ends and death begins. I also fear that I will leave behind something that fulfills me - a part of me. A loved one, a feeling, a location, a satisfied sense. But if I fear death, I’m not sure I can fear something I do not know, because it will have to be something I face in that moment. And if there’s any truth to my belief of fulfillment and to simply be, I don’t think having the choice matters. If there’s no truth to my beliefs, then still I can’t fear that which I don’t know. Ultimately and honestly, in a way, I do believe death is like an abyss - but that abyss does not exist in any negative connotation. It just is. And while I think us humans are very driven to believe something must be broken down, drawn out, and concluded, having something just be is a space very few in this world may have the ability to experience.
It does not scare me because death is more than the moment of pain when it appears before you. Unfortunately that is the only place where I think fear lies, and society has created a circus around the fear of something you may not even have the time to experience. It can mean the elimination of such fearful thoughts, but also the elimination of happy thoughts. But that is okay. Again, simply because it is okay. Not even because it is accepted and the moment moves forward, but it just is.
From reading on time, life, and death above:
Why do I have more to say and feel more effortless when I delve into what death means to me?
What does that mean about my relationship with time? With life?
How does the mind of society influence this reckoning?
Why do I/we speak more easily on death and what I/we should fear than life and what I/we should love?
